Thanks for your note. It's pretty difficult to describe exactly
what a mental block is, but basically it has to do with motivation.
The more highly motivated you are, the less likely it is that
you will have a mental block. And I've found that there's a correlation
between your self-esteem and your level of motivation. People
with high self-esteem are more motivated than those with low
Also, I want to make it clear that I am not a medical doctor,
nor am I a licensed therapist...my experience has come from having
conducted self-esteem building workshops over the past 17 years
with athletes, at-risk youth and cancer patients, so basically,
my knowledge has come from being on the front lines working with
people. And, I've done a considerable amount of reading.
Over the years, I've found that people who are depressed generally
have a history of avoiding situations in their lives that may
include some form of confrontation. In your case, it sounds like
you've been bottling up your feelings and emotions, especially
when it came to interacting with your manager and telling him
(here?) how you feel. I refer to this as "withholding"
and when you withhold, it's a form of lying that demeans you
and lowers your self-esteem, creating psychological baggage that
affects your ability to focus and process information. So starting
immediately, you should stop withholding if, in fact, you are
doing that. And by the way, there's no reason you can't write
your reports for your manager and still have plenty of time to
spend with your clients. It sounds to me like an excuse and you
need to recognize it for what it is.
The fact that you obtained a degree in nursing when you were
45 years of age is really quite admirable and tells me that in
order to do that, you had to be highly motivated at the time
and probably felt relatively good about yourself. But then (and
this is strictly my opinion) between the time you received your
degree and the present, you began not to be honest when it came
to expressing your feelings and the result has been that you're
experiencing some form of depression.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to meet with your
manager and tell him (her?) how you feel...once you do that,
I think you'll find you'll immediately start feeling better about
yourself. And you'll automatically become more motivated. (By
the way,I believe you can tell anybody anything if it's done
in a sensitive manner.) And also, keep in mind that when you
tell your manager how you feel, you are actually doing it for
yourself...you can't change anyone...and since you'll be resolving
a major issue in your life, the result will be a higher sense
of self-worth for yourself.
Hope my observations have been of some help. Good luck...and
you need to get out of that bed and get back to work. Sounds
like there are patients
out there who need your services.