My name is David and I am a 14 year old high school student
in New Zealand. My sport is rugby union. I don't know if you
have had any experience with athletes in this sport, but it is
a lot like Gridiron.
In the past few years that I have played this sport, I have
always enjoyed it. I would often do well and contribute a lot
to the team. I often thought about growing up and representing
my country in this sport.
This year, I got into the school's top team, the 1st XV. I
was really pleased about this, however so far in the season,
after 5 games in the pre-season and 2 games in the proper season,
I'm often walking off the field after the game feeling really
bad about myself. I've been playing quite terribly so far, and
even when our team wins I don't fell happy because I feel as
if I didn't contribute to it. I've made some really shocking
mistakes but it is certainly not a result of lack of practice.
I've always pushed myself to practice the areas that I find are
lacking.
Perhaps the biggest thing that has been affecting me is my
confidence. In the games I've played this season, I'm often very
scared. This is probably justified because I am one of the smaller
players and being in the 1st XV, there are some players a lot
bigger than me. However, my team-mates are not much bigger than
me and they do not have this problem.
In a game today, I dropped a high ball that they kicked and
when I received the ball, I went to push a 50/50 pass rather
than run it up. I was really scared and dropping my confidence
rapidly just because the other team had some big Polynesian players
and I was scared of getting hurt, unlike some of my teammates
who are really selfless and are great players. Not long into
the first half, I asked my coach to take me off. My team-mates
were quite angry at me for making these mistakes, they could
see that I was scared. We ended up winning the game but I felt
terrible anyway.
This has never happened to me before, and all of a sudden
I'm having some really negative thoughts. I've been thinking
about quitting the sport, and all the great dreams I've had about
playing in representative teams when I got older are starting
to look less and less realistic.
What is happening to me? It is almost as if I have no mental
toughness whatsoever. Is there anything I can do to get back
my competitive edge and become a good player again? This sport
is a great part of my life and I would hate to give it up because
I am unable to do my best. Is there anything I can do? Please
help.
David
Dear David,
James Griffing passed along to me your e-mail and asked if
I might provide you with a bit of insight into your situation.
In order to do this, I think it best to first relate an experience
I had a few years ago with a young Arizona State University freshman
track athlete who was considered one of the country's top talents.
Unfortunately, she, like you, was not performing up to her skill
level. The coach asked if I would work with her, especially since
she was considering dropping out of school. At our first session
together it was obvious that she was burdened with many personal
problems and issues, most of which involved the health of her
mother who had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and her
stepfather who had used her credit card and ran up an enormous
bill for which she was responsible and could not pay. She also
had a sister who had a small child and needed financial help.
All of this was weighing heavily on her and until our meeting,
she had no idea that keeping everything bottled up inside herself
and not discussing any of this with anyone was doing great harm
to her potential as a track athlete. Eventually, she began to
understand how important it was for her to resolve (or begin
resolving) these issues in her life if she wanted to be successful
in her sport. Keeping them inside herself (withholding her feelings
and emotions) was a form of lying that lowered her feelings of
self worth. And because "we see things as we are" (not
as they are, but as we are), if we have low self-esteem we will
begin to see things around us negatively, and creative negative
thoughts about ourselves and our ability to perform in our sport.
These negative thoughts then begin to affect our performance
on the field. Once she was able to work through her issues, and
she understood what the problems were, her outlook went through
a remarkable transformation and she began to perform closer to
her skill level (she was a world-class athlete). The bottom line
was: she stayed in school, and for the following three years
set NCAA Division I records in the 400 meter sprint, and then,
in 1996 won a gold medal in the Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia,
USA. I relate this story to you so that you might want to examine
what is happening in your own personal life. Because even though
we often feel we can block out negative thoughts, we can't. We
must deal with them and resolve the issues (or begin resolving
the issues) that are creating them. I say "begin" because
there are some issues that require time to resolve. For example,
if you owed someone a thousand dollars (US dollars), and began
paying them even $5.00 per week, you would begin to feel better
about yourself immediately. It may take you a long time to pay
off the debt, but at least you're attempting to work through
it - rather than ignoring it completely. So the questions you
need to ask yourself are: Am I having problems in my personal
life that I'm not confronting head-on? With my parents? With
my girlfriend? With some player or players on the team with whom
I have a personality conflict? With the coach? I think you get
the idea. I'm sending along an attachment with this e-mail which
I believe you will find helpful. I don't know if you use visualization
techniques or not, but if you do, the attached will be of value.
It's very important that, if you want to perform to your skill
level on a consistent basis, your life must be in harmony. Please
be sure to let me know how you progress. Good luck.
Marv Fremerman
