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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 7:19 am 
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Deific Wizard of Sagacity
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I don't have any daughters (omg i get scared just saying that), but i'm an older brother. My younger sister has 3 brothers, one a year younger and 2 older. I'm 3 years older, my older brother is erm, 10 years older. He's actually a brother in law, but he's been around for long enough to just be thought of as a normal brother.

Anyway, needless to say, she never brought any boy back to the house. And it wasn't me and my brothers they had to fear....Itwas my dad. Which brings me to a funny story about fathers and daughters...

My sister was getting hassle from another girl at school, who had an older boyfriend with a car. We were out as a family at a local restaurant. The girl in questions sister worked for the restaurant, so, said girl along with a$$ hole b/f came to collect her. We were still there. The girl in question kept 'making gestures' at my sister. My dad had already heard about all the crap, and was close to boiling point anyway. He just got up from the table, never said anything. Walked out, walked up to the drivers door, punched THE DOOR (LOL), then opened it, dragged the boy out, head butted him (the scottish way), went nuts (verbally), then went back in the restaurant, sat down, paid the bill, and he left. I pulled him back after the head butt, otherwise, who knows what he would have done.

It turned out that the boyfriend was intimidating my sister before this by pulling up beside her and revving the engine and stupid stuff like that. She never told me because she didn't want me getting in any trouble - she knew he was just being an idiot, and wasn't actually scared of him. She told my dad, though, as he's generally a lot more calm and composed about these things. Not this time.

I coudn't believe my eyes - although it made sense after hearing about the stuff leading up to this. I started calling him the incredible hulk after that, due to him punching the car door - what did he expect? The door to fall off? LOL. I still laugh about it. He doesn't REALLY see the funny side, though. I think he's mad with himself for losing it.

KPj


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:02 pm 
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"Hey yall...thanks for the advice. Everyone's pretty much told me the same thing. Not to ask the girl I know at the gym about her. And to go for it. I guess at first I was a bit worried about being awkward if she says no. But what the hell. Not like I've never looked stupid before! LOL!" - Rucifer

I wouldn't worry too much about that. As long as you don't make a big deal of asking it shouldn't be awkward. Meanwhile, you'll only look stupid if you try way too hard, or won't take no for an answer.

PS.) The best advice I can give you on picking up women ..... Lift with you legs, not with your back.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 7:45 pm 
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I've always tried to use my mind and wit Matt. Lord knows they aint going for my looks. Thanks for the advice. No wonder I'm so horrible at it. Lift with legs - got it. Next time I will just go up to a girl and squat ATG her.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 7:50 pm 
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Yes, nygman. Right at 290. Oh and I have legit 20 inch arms flexed but not pumped. I plan to sit down the boy and tell him the rule on dating my daughter. I'll put a tape measure to my arm, then tell him to pony up. I know she'll probably still get to date him. My wife disagrees with my criteria, but I think he'll get the point.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:40 pm 
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I do have to say, that all ya all sound like the kind of dad that one of my ex'es used to have. But eventually even he warmed up to me. Treated me with a bit of respect. I think cause he knew I wasn't out just to screw his daughter and move on...

But an update- after all the words of encouragement, I was determined to at least have a real conversation with her (the girl at the gym). And she was working out when I went in there today. Got the balls, approached her, and we had a nice little chat for a bit. Wasn't being too forward right off the bat, just wanted to sort of break the ice. I think it worked too. At the end she felt the need to tell me her name at least. LOL. Even though I did know it. So I thought that was a good sign. To be honest I've never had to approach random women to pick them up. Its always been classmates, friends of friends, someone I met online, etc. But then again-I guess it was totally random. But at least she wasn't behind the counter.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:44 pm 
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hoosegow wrote:
Yes, nygman. Right at 290. Oh and I have legit 20 inch arms flexed but not pumped. I plan to sit down the boy and tell him the rule on dating my daughter. I'll put a tape measure to my arm, then tell him to pony up. I know she'll probably still get to date him. My wife disagrees with my criteria, but I think he'll get the point.


I think just seeing the arms will inspire a high level of respect for your daughter. Of course, she'll hate you for a few years, but eventually she'll thank you!

A guy sat down with his daughter's first boyfriend, who had just gotten a new car. The dad asks the boy if he can borrow the car. The kid looks worried. The dad pushes it, says he's anxious to see what the car can do, he'll push it hard, but he'll try not to hurt it. The kids even more apprehensive. Dad says he really loves the sound of squealing tires, and grinding gears and he really wants to borrow the car. Kid says that he'd really rather not loan the car. The dad looks the kid in the eye and says, "Well, you are about to borrow my only daughter. Just remember that she's infinitely more valuable to me than that car is to you." Kid got the point.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:43 am 
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I really don't understand that attitude. It seems to be a left over from the women=property days. Girls have to grow up and have lives of their own too. I know it's just amusing hyperbole, but there is still something at the root of it. There shouldn't be such a double standard between raising girls and boys. In the car story, ignoring the fact that a person is being compared to a vehicle, wouldn't it be more appropriate to simply threaten to spill a drink in the seat. Now if the boys intent was to rape and mutilate the girl, then the analogy would be more appropriate.

For some reason men seem to think the sex lives of all or certain female relatives reflects on them in some way. They are just the same as everything other person on the planet.

Girls (boys too for that matter), need to have plenty of freedom to discover themselves and learn to relate to others and form romantic relationships, and gain the experience they will need to navigate them later in life. It is better they do their learning while they live at home where their fathers can protect them and give them guidance. When they are all grown up and out on their own, they need to have it figured out. Nothing worse than a sheltered girl being thrown to the wolves.

Plus creating resentment with your daughters is only going to make them more obstinate. They get like that enough in the teen years without making it worse. You want them to listen to you and value your opinion. You don't want them thinking "Oh, what does he know? He doesn't like anyone, so f*(K it."


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 4:50 am 
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Ironman wrote:
Plus creating resentment with your daughters is only going to make them more obstinate. They get like that enough in the teen years without making it worse. You want them to listen to you and value your opinion. You don't want them thinking "Oh, what does he know? He doesn't like anyone, so f*(K it."


Well, I can tell you that's exactly how things went with my younger sister and my dad. She ended up not sharing ANYTHING with him, especially after the last incident, when she chose to go to him, other than me, and it resulted in a mid-meal head butt. Things are different now, though, but for years it was pretty bad. And I was pi$$ed off because she started coming to me for everything, I used to say, "i'm not the one who had F'ing kids!". My sister was nuts in her teen years, though. And not like whacky-sort-of-funny nuts. Like, all-the-bad-female-hormones-inthe-world-mixing-together-to-create-one-big-crazier-female-hormone, nuts.

Or better put... I-will-never-intentionally-have-kid-because-being-a-brother-was-bad-enough, nuts.

Anyway, having one younger sister and 2 older sisters has made me realise that if the leash is too tight, they'll kick off. I agree the women=property thing isn't right, as well, but women and men aren't the same, either. I don't even know why i'm posting. No offence, but having a daughter would by my worse nightmare.

KPj


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 4:52 am 
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p.s it's funny that the OP came on asking for dating advice and now he's learning about all the crap involved in being a parent, lol. He probably won't date for a few years after reading all this.

KPj


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 6:09 am 
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Rucifer wrote:
I do have to say, that all ya all sound like the kind of dad that one of my ex'es used to have. But eventually even he warmed up to me. Treated me with a bit of respect. I think cause he knew I wasn't out just to screw his daughter and move on...


I first met my ex g/fs family at a wedding reception. One of her uncles were getting married, he has 3 other brothers, all were obsessed with MMA, even their grandfather, who I referred to as Mr Miyagi. My g/f had been putting off introducing us (can't think why). Anyway, when I went to the wedding reception my g/f came up to me, and all her uncles and some aunties followed to meet me, having heard lots about me. One uncle said, "you're a brave man coming into a room full of Heaneys (their name obviously)". Without thinking, I said, "well you know what they say, there's a fight at every wedding". Then came the longest, most awkward silence of my life.

My current g/f's dad used to erm, dislike me. I actually started seeing her in secret at first. But then she managed to get me an invite to her birthday party, at her house. I silenced everyone and respectfully asked his permission to take her out for dinner. It was VERY respectful, apart from the fact that I asked him in front of his wife (who liked me), some of her cousins (who liked me), and all of her friends (who liked me), not to mention, infront of her as well. Respectful as it looked, it was really a kick in the teeth. Not many dads would of been mean enough to say no under those circumstances.

My own dad thought it was stroke of genius :lol:

It's worth noting that we get on great now, 4 years down the line.

KPj


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:10 am 
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Ironman wrote:
I really don't understand that attitude. It seems to be a left over from the women=property days. Girls have to grow up and have lives of their own too. I know it's just amusing hyperbole, but there is still something at the root of it. There shouldn't be such a double standard between raising girls and boys. In the car story, ignoring the fact that a person is being compared to a vehicle, wouldn't it be more appropriate to simply threaten to spill a drink in the seat. Now if the boys intent was to rape and mutilate the girl, then the analogy would be more appropriate.

For some reason men seem to think the sex lives of all or certain female relatives reflects on them in some way. They are just the same as everything other person on the planet.

Girls (boys too for that matter), need to have plenty of freedom to discover themselves and learn to relate to others and form romantic relationships, and gain the experience they will need to navigate them later in life. It is better they do their learning while they live at home where their fathers can protect them and give them guidance. When they are all grown up and out on their own, they need to have it figured out. Nothing worse than a sheltered girl being thrown to the wolves.

Plus creating resentment with your daughters is only going to make them more obstinate. They get like that enough in the teen years without making it worse. You want them to listen to you and value your opinion. You don't want them thinking "Oh, what does he know? He doesn't like anyone, so f*(K it."

To me it's not women=property, but children=responsibility. And you're right, there's a double standard between raising girls and boys. I'm just as concerned about my boys' safety as I am about my daughter's, but I feel that my daughter is more open to exploitation than my sons.

And the comparison of person to object was just the point. "You had better treat my daughter with a whole lot more respect and care as you would this piece of shiny metal."

And I agree about all kids finding their own way, and starting much of the process with their parents' support, and not being sheltered forever. It's just knowing how much sheltering they need at each stage and how to let them go in the right way at the right time. Unfortunately, we don't get many chances to practice in order to get it right. I suppose you'd have to ask my kids how well I did this. For some reason my kids have handled independence better as they went on in birth order. Perhaps I was learning as I went along.

And, sorry. I was the one who brought up the father-of-the-girl thing, thus hijacking the thread.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:19 am 
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Jungledoc wrote:
And, sorry. I was the one who brought up the father-of-the-girl thing, thus hijacking the thread.


Yeah, nice. We're trying to tell the guy to be confident, ask her out, and not to be embarrassed if she says either yes or no.

And then all ya'll come along and give him the "touch my daughter and I'll grab my shotgun" treatment. Nice, guys, nice. Like bringing up a plane crash story to a person getting on an outbound flight.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:47 am 
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pdellorto wrote:
Yeah, nice. We're trying to tell the guy to be confident, ask her out, and not to be embarrassed if she says either yes or no.

And then all ya'll come along and give him the "touch my daughter and I'll grab my shotgun" treatment. Nice, guys, nice. Like bringing up a plane crash story to a person getting on an outbound flight.


LOL!


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 6:16 pm 
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I remember the time that guy squatted and he prolapsed his colon.

It isn't a property thing Ironman. I can't comment on raising a boy. All I have is my little girl. I often say that I never knew what true love was until I laid eyes on my daughter the first time. When you love someone that much, you don't want them to get hurt.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 5:24 am 
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Actually the women=property thing was in reference to the source of the hyperbole quoted here and by many a man and not your actual feelings on the matter. You know what I mean, the whole defending your daughter's honor thing vs just protecting her from possible dangers.

KPJ, I can relate. Much of my family is Catholic, so I have cousins by the dozens you might say. And I wasn't trying to say boys and girls were the same physically or emotionally, just that their need for development and autonomy was the same.

If I have a daughter, the only thing I will take issue with is someone lying to her about his intentions towards her. But as I am a large and extremely intimidating guy, one cold stare is usually all it takes to make someone rethink things all on their own. Her intentions would be her own though.

I think nearly every parent I know got better as they went along. Although I've known the odd ones here and there that did a great job from day 1. Frequently, I have noticed parents start out overly strict and controlling and then ease up over time.

I've gotten along good with all girls fathers I have met provided they were someone you could get along with. Like one girlfriend hated her dad, and I could see why, he was quite an a$$hole. Another girls dad was a mean old drunk.

My soon to be wife's father passed away a couple years ago so I never had the pleasure and honor of meeting him. From what I've heard he was quite a guy though. Her stepfather, who has been around since she was very young, I get along with quite well. I got along great with my ex-wife
s folks too. I got along with my first serious girlfriend's parents pretty well too.

In fact in the case of my ex-wife, they were concerned about me at first since I was 25 at the time and she was just getting ready to turn 18. They were cool with it after they met me though. Her mom wore the pants, and I had to go over there and face her by myself, 1 on 1.


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