Does anyone else find it hard to meet other inshape guys?

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Six2one80
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Does anyone else find it hard to meet other inshape guys?

Post by Six2one80 » Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:42 am

Hi everyone, new to the board but I have been using exRx for months! This is a great site and I dont look at anything else except for the gym LOL.

Anyhow, Im a guy, 22, 6'2, 170 (my goal is 180 again hence the name lol). I have been faithful to the gym now for over a year now, going to the same ones for months at a time. I go to Bally.

However, Im starting to feel like Im overshadowing my friends due to the fact that most of my friends are either overweight, or just average built. Non of them have the motivation to go to the gym, and I end up being the only person with the nice body in my friend circle. The other day I had to sit and listen to my friend complain about how he's gained so much weight in the past year. But he never steps foot in the gym or goes with me!

I hope it doesn't sound 'pretentious' or like Im better than them, but Im tired of hanging around people who dont have the same goals I have to keep in shape. My job actually requires me to stay in shape.

I go to the gym and chat a bit with someone nearby, but we never end up being workout buddies. I have been going to the gym alone now since I've started, which means no spotter.

So Im just at the point where Im like, about to ditch all of my friends because I dont like to be the only person comfortable (and looking buff) walking around in a sleeveless shirt. I've tried to get many of them to join me, a guest pass...but they always decline or come up with an excuse and just rather drink or go to the bar. Yet whenever I meet other inshape guys, they arent interested in connecting.

Any suggestions? Maybe a change of gym? I live in Texas...could that be a factor?


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Post by KPj » Tue Feb 16, 2010 6:03 am

One of my friends (who I train with) is fat. He doesn't care. If he wore sleeveless shirts, i'm sure he would be comfortable. His ideal physique is 'Andy Bolton' (google him). He trains to be strong and he is strong, so he's satisfied. He actually got very lean at one time, then purposely got fat (it's called 'getting your bloat on'). Gradually increasing his calories to 6000-7000 per day. He got quite fat and used to joke that he was expecting twins. He's lost a lot of it now but still has a belly and still doesn't care.

It doesn't make him any worse or any better than me, or anyone else.

Dumping your friends seems pretty extreme, just because they don't train.

Maybe your friends think they're overshadowing you because your life evolves around the gym....

I'm just giving you another perspective.

It sounds like you're just after training partners. The easiest way is to find people who train similarly to you. If there's no one like that in your gym then maybe try some others...

KPj

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stuward
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Post by stuward » Tue Feb 16, 2010 10:24 am

Most guys that are "in shape" play some type of sport. Widen your horizons a bit. Get beyond just training for the sake of training. Develop an interest in something and you will meet like-minded people automatically.

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Post by ApolytonGP » Tue Feb 16, 2010 11:06 am

Don't be a pest, but keep inviting them. Use your guest pass or whatever. Would be good for the slugs to pop the cherry and get on in there.

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Post by Jeannay » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:37 pm

in my opinion a training "partner" is unnecessary. When im alone i always lift harder.


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Post by frigginwizard » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:42 pm

Jeannay wrote:in my opinion a training "partner" is unnecessary. When im alone i always lift harder.
that is outside the norm, for most people having a partner to push them and keep them from skipping scheduled days is very beneficial.

Six2one80
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Post by Six2one80 » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:03 pm

I dont 'need' a training partner either...and I do see majority of the people at the gym do lift solo.

I wasn't trying to say my friends are nobody's because they dont lift. Also, they aren't 'purposely' getting fat either. I wasn't always a weight lifter myself and used to get joked on alot for being 'tall and lanky'.

My life doesn't revolve around the gym either. I go every other day and thats about it. I did have a buddy who was equally fit as I am, but that was about it. And you know what happens when you hang around 1 overweight, out of shape person? They bring along a friend who is just as overweight or out of shape as they are and you end up being the sore thumb in the group.

I have to disagree that "most guys are in shape" because they play a sport. Over the months of chatting with many in shape guys, most of them dont play any sports but just go to the gym. I'm also not exercising just for the hell of it either, Like I said my job requires I keep in good shape. Being in shape brings me money...so its not arbitrary.

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Post by Rucifer » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:59 pm

Why don't you ask some of your coworkers if you guys have to keep in shape? Sounds like they might join in...

and...

You are looking at this the wrong way. As long as you aren't a total douche of course, which you don't sound like you are, when you goto the bars with the guys the girls will more likely want you over them :wink:

I used to have the same problem as you. I just learned to accept training on my own and accepting everyone else for who they are. Just do exercises that don't require spotters, or for stuff like bench just don't go all out heavy on it. I know most on the board wouldn't agree with that but I shoot for higher reps with a bench just cause for me its a lot safer doing 175 and trying for 10 over 205 and trying for 4. Or do chest dips as an alternative. Most people do not want to go and train at a gym or they feel their lives are too busy. And I agree with Jeanny a lot of times workout partners just want to sit and chat and I've tried having a couple and 45-60 min workouts turned into 1.5-2 hours. Didn't have time for that!
Last edited by Rucifer on Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Jebus » Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:32 pm

Maybe you should tell your friends how you feel about them, and ask how they feel about you.

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Post by frogbyte » Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:47 pm

Also don't forget to tell them to keep porking out so you look better in comparison.

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Post by Rucifer » Tue Feb 16, 2010 5:07 pm

You can't trick people into doing things they don't want to do (unless you are a very good manipulator). Even if you can you won't be able to make them stick. Especially when it comes to something like weightlifting, they have to want to do it to be able to do it. How's that one cliche go...you can lead a horse to a pond but can't make him drink? As long as you are acknowledging that being in better shape does not make you a better person, don't abandon friends simply because they don't fit your persona. Otherwise you might find yourself without any friends...

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Post by Matt Z » Tue Feb 16, 2010 5:47 pm

"How's that one cliche go...you can lead a horse to a pond but can't make him drink?" - Rucifer

Unless you're Chuck Norris.

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Post by Matt Z » Tue Feb 16, 2010 5:50 pm

I don't have a regular training partner, but I'm not shy about asking for a spot when I need one (mainly squats and benches). If you train at the same gym for a while, at the same time of day, you should get a pretty good idea of who knows what they're doing.

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Post by ApolytonGP » Tue Feb 16, 2010 11:32 pm

I was on the plane with this guy who recommended free weights. He said just go collarless. Even if the rules say to put them on. That way you can always bail.

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Post by KPj » Wed Feb 17, 2010 4:57 am

I trained alone for a couple of years before having any training partners. I convinced the first one to come in because he had various issues/injuries and I thought I could help. Other than that, i've never asked a friend to come in but, now, i've got 4 who train with me, and another supposed to be coming in on Sat. We all often train with other guys in the gym, too. However, this will just be for the big lifts then we do our own assistance. It's very easy to make workouts last for ages but you just need to be efficient. I never found any problem with just one training partner, though.

Training with people stronger than you can be an amazing thing for your progress. I've grown to love the competitive nature of training with someone else, too. I often put the beginners up against each other and, I wynd them up by encouraging each of them individually about how they're getting stronger than the rest. They all think they're getting ahead of each other. It's made for a great environment. If you have a good training partner, you'll get called out for not giving it everything, too - we all have those days but it's a lot more difficult to slack when you have someone keeping tabs on you.

If i weren't just looking for the experience of training people, I probably wouldn't train with as many beginners. It did take a lot of thought at first to keep things short.

KPj


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