How to widen shoulders?

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Jebus
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Post by Jebus » Sun Jan 16, 2011 7:41 pm

You do know that people, really don't care how wide your shoulders are, right? And that 10 year old you knew in elementary school is probably with some other guy by now.

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Stephen Johnson
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Post by Stephen Johnson » Sun Jan 16, 2011 9:22 pm

tyciol wrote:
robertscott wrote:it sounds to me like you're talking absolute nonsense.
Feel free to point out what doesn't make sense to you.
Oscar_Actuary wrote:why do you care so much about this?
Probably a wide-shoulder complex, sort of like how some short people want to grow taller. As early as I can trace it back is elementary grad where the suit I wore had shoulder pads and a female classmate touched them in admiration until she felt the soft spongy foam holding them up and I saw her smile droop. =(
Stephen Johnson wrote:If anything like this were tried, it would have to be under strict medical auspices - if it is a possibility at all.
It wouldn't have to be, but medical supervision would be ideal.
Stephen Johnson wrote:It's hard to imagine any doctor taking risks with such a procedure for what appears to be strictly vanity purposes.
Many would not, it depends on individual attitudes. Just like there are many doctors who don't perform cosmetic surgeries for someone unless they approve of the reasons.
strathmeyer wrote:What's the polite way to suggest body dysmorphic disorder?
Probably not speaking as if someone weren't there.

Let's say this were defined as something like "excessively concern about and preoccupation with a perceived defect in one's physical features". Is this really something unique? Something like 'excess' is a subjective issue. Many people are preoccupied with perceived defects, such as high body fat or a lack of muscle or the presence of acne/body hair or paleness/darkness. At many steps along the road there are those who will dub something excessive, even the desire to hypertrophy the deltoid at all.

Clearly taking an approach to alter stature at the risk of biological dysfunction would be widely labelled excessive. If one shows concern for preserving strength and health in hypothetical considerations of the idea, I do not see the dysfunction in that any more than I do for muscle hypertrophy pursuit itself.
Jungledoc wrote:I could propose a procedure to you, but it would involve a complicated system of pulleys and cables, would be very painful, will keep you immobilized full-time for 6 months, and will require someone to feed you several time a day, and to place and remove your bed pan at the proper times.
Sounds hot, sign me up =) I am curious about your idea, I think ideas should be thrown around regardless of whether or not they're accepted since they tend to be thought-provoking. Not to mention they can be foundations built to bridge into new ideas for others which may have progressively fewer costs and setbacks until it becomes something plausible and worthwhile after successive improvements on the concept by others.
Jungledoc wrote:Oh, yeah. One more consideration. You wouldn't be able to use your arms for anything useful for the rest of your life. Other than that it's a great plan.
Hm, that could be a problem, I think I would require some additional duties out of the person feeding me and changing my bedpan ;)
This isn't a serious topic any more. I've stopped watching it.

robertscott
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Post by robertscott » Mon Jan 17, 2011 10:24 am

tyciol wrote:
robertscott wrote:it sounds to me like you're talking absolute nonsense.
Feel free to point out what doesn't make sense to you.
the whole concept doesn't make sense to me, sure I understand what you're saying: you're going to rig yourself up to some medieval style torture device to stretch out your bones giving you a super sexy set of shoulders that men will envy and women will lust after. Well, more power to ya...

In the real world however you'll still be stuck with your puny shoulders which women will laugh at and men will use as an excuse to kick sand in your face. Shame. That's unless you just do the dumbell raises NightfaLL mentioned...

...although having said that, if your torture device does succeed in giving you better shoulders, then sign me up! I could do with a bit more clavicle.

Oh I've just thought of something else you could try, synthol! Google it, I think it could be just the thing you're looking for.

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Post by stuward » Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:46 am

Shoulder pads.

Oscar_Actuary
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Post by Oscar_Actuary » Mon Jan 17, 2011 4:21 pm

stuward wrote:Shoulder pads.
He already tried those.
Horrible experience
Scarred. For. Life.

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Post by Jebus » Tue Jan 18, 2011 12:22 am

Oscar_Actuary wrote:
stuward wrote:Shoulder pads.
He already tried those.
Horrible experience
Scarred. For. Life.
Harder, semi-circled shaped shoulder pads?

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Post by Oscar_Actuary » Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:35 am

Jebus wrote:
Oscar_Actuary wrote:
stuward wrote:Shoulder pads.
He already tried those.
Horrible experience
Scarred. For. Life.
Harder, semi-circled shaped shoulder pads?
... surgically implanted perhaps ?
Then we just need to stretch some skin, or graft it

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Post by pdellorto » Tue Jan 18, 2011 10:02 am

Oscar_Actuary wrote:
Jebus wrote:
Oscar_Actuary wrote: He already tried those.
Horrible experience
Scarred. For. Life.
Harder, semi-circled shaped shoulder pads?
... surgically implanted perhaps ?
Then we just need to stretch some skin, or graft it
How about just dating smaller women?

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tyciol
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Re:

Post by tyciol » Fri Mar 18, 2011 4:03 pm

Jungledoc wrote:Tyciol--your sarcasm meter is either off, or malfunctioning. Did you think I was offering a serious suggestion? Do you seriously think that there might be a way to safe way to actually physically widen your shoulders???
Or your sarcasm meter is off? =) Anyway yes, I think there might be, I always like to consider possibilities. I mean, there already are ways, such as posture (rotating the scapulae so they're not fully adducted/retracted or abducted/protracted, a nice balance in the middle so the glenoid fossa is right on the side of the rib cag and the clavicles would form a straight line rather than a \/ or /\ when viewed from above. That and adding muscle to the outside of the joint (delts) will add width. I can't imagine a safe or easy way to deal with the clavicle limitation problem, but my being unable to imagine a solution doesn't mean one's impossible.
Jebus wrote:You do know that people, really don't care how wide your shoulders are, right?
I disagree with this, shoulder width is an impressive attribute, that's why people write about and dedicate so much time to deltoid development and why "broad-shouldered" is a well known descriptor of manliness.
Jebus wrote:that 10 year old you knew in elementary school is probably with some other guy by now.
Or some girl =) Anyway that's besides the point, it's conveying an anecdotal memory that emphasized the importance, sort of like how being a fatass who couldn't climb at rock wall made me realize how important back pulling strength is. A bit late though... how come they don't give you access to pull up bars in high school gym yet pay thousands of dollars to set up something like that which you can only use for one day?
robertscott wrote:you're going to rig yourself up to some medieval style torture device to stretch out your bones giving you a super sexy set of shoulders that men will envy and women will lust after. Well, more power to ya...
No, I don't plan to do that because I think the end result would probably be, rather than lengthening the clavicle, I'd probably dislocate either the sternoclavicular or acromioclavicular joints. If that happens the clavicle can't properly buttress and they'd adduct or abduct excessively, not to mention a huge injury and pain.
robertscott wrote:In the real world however you'll still be stuck with your puny shoulders which women will laugh at and men will use as an excuse to kick sand in your face. Shame. That's unless you just do the dumbell raises NightfaLL mentioned.
Oh well I already got a range of 1-40lbs so that should be enough for the lateral raises, but thinking of getting an adjustible bench to increase the variety and focus on the rear delt or doing externally rotated bent-over raises for medial.
robertscott wrote:although having said that, if your torture device does succeed in giving you better shoulders, then sign me up! I could do with a bit more clavicle.
It hasn't been invented yet =( You'd basically need surgeons and a very sterile environment and loads of recovery time. It might actually be less complex and easier to just sever the clavicle and let it heal across a minor expanse (say 1cm or less) rather than relying on prolonged traction to see if it lengthens.
robertscott wrote:I've just thought of something else you could try, synthol!
That'd just inflate the soft tissue on top of the bones, it'd be visually no better than delt hypertrophy and less useful since it doesn't burn calories or produce movement.

A way to look at it is this: if your arms hang straight down at your sides, wider set joints mean there would be more space between your wrists and your hips. Building the muscle on top of it would not.

On the other hand, delts give a curved cannonball look which is probably desirable and looks better in a t-shirt whereas naturally set wide shoulders, while they would help with a v-shape, wouldn't have that cool curved look which could potentially appear more powerful.
stuward wrote:Shoulder pads.
It's a good idea I guess to help protect the joint from damage while tackling opponents.
Jebus wrote:Harder, semi-circled shaped shoulder pads?
You're missing the point, she couldn't tell they were pads until she touched them, it wasn't the shape that gave them off. Although your idea is good in that they wouldn't feel foamy but if they felt plasticy then that could still give away the illusion. We should develope shoulder pads for jackets made out of artificial beefsteak that is indiscernable from muss.

Of course, it all falls to naught if you ever get far enough for them to reach inside or remove the jacket, and wouldn't work when it's t-shirt tiiiiime.
pdellorto wrote:How about just dating smaller women?
Do petite chicks prefer narrow-shouldered guys or something? Or do normal shoulders just seem bigger to them? Actually, I could see multiple benefits to this in terms of the comparative anatomy perspective, good suggestion.

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Re: How to widen shoulders?

Post by Oscar_Actuary » Fri Mar 18, 2011 4:35 pm

you are on a roll today.
I guess

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Re: Re:

Post by robertscott » Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:54 pm

tyciol wrote:
Jungledoc wrote:Tyciol--your sarcasm meter is either off, or malfunctioning. Did you think I was offering a serious suggestion? Do you seriously think that there might be a way to safe way to actually physically widen your shoulders???
Or your sarcasm meter is off? =) Anyway yes, I think there might be, I always like to consider possibilities. I mean, there already are ways, such as posture (rotating the scapulae so they're not fully adducted/retracted or abducted/protracted, a nice balance in the middle so the glenoid fossa is right on the side of the rib cag and the clavicles would form a straight line rather than a \/ or /\ when viewed from above. That and adding muscle to the outside of the joint (delts) will add width. I can't imagine a safe or easy way to deal with the clavicle limitation problem, but my being unable to imagine a solution doesn't mean one's impossible.
Jebus wrote:You do know that people, really don't care how wide your shoulders are, right?
I disagree with this, shoulder width is an impressive attribute, that's why people write about and dedicate so much time to deltoid development and why "broad-shouldered" is a well known descriptor of manliness.
Jebus wrote:that 10 year old you knew in elementary school is probably with some other guy by now.
Or some girl =) Anyway that's besides the point, it's conveying an anecdotal memory that emphasized the importance, sort of like how being a fatass who couldn't climb at rock wall made me realize how important back pulling strength is. A bit late though... how come they don't give you access to pull up bars in high school gym yet pay thousands of dollars to set up something like that which you can only use for one day?
robertscott wrote:you're going to rig yourself up to some medieval style torture device to stretch out your bones giving you a super sexy set of shoulders that men will envy and women will lust after. Well, more power to ya...
No, I don't plan to do that because I think the end result would probably be, rather than lengthening the clavicle, I'd probably dislocate either the sternoclavicular or acromioclavicular joints. If that happens the clavicle can't properly buttress and they'd adduct or abduct excessively, not to mention a huge injury and pain.
robertscott wrote:In the real world however you'll still be stuck with your puny shoulders which women will laugh at and men will use as an excuse to kick sand in your face. Shame. That's unless you just do the dumbell raises NightfaLL mentioned.
Oh well I already got a range of 1-40lbs so that should be enough for the lateral raises, but thinking of getting an adjustible bench to increase the variety and focus on the rear delt or doing externally rotated bent-over raises for medial.
robertscott wrote:although having said that, if your torture device does succeed in giving you better shoulders, then sign me up! I could do with a bit more clavicle.
It hasn't been invented yet =( You'd basically need surgeons and a very sterile environment and loads of recovery time. It might actually be less complex and easier to just sever the clavicle and let it heal across a minor expanse (say 1cm or less) rather than relying on prolonged traction to see if it lengthens.
robertscott wrote:I've just thought of something else you could try, synthol!
That'd just inflate the soft tissue on top of the bones, it'd be visually no better than delt hypertrophy and less useful since it doesn't burn calories or produce movement.

A way to look at it is this: if your arms hang straight down at your sides, wider set joints mean there would be more space between your wrists and your hips. Building the muscle on top of it would not.

On the other hand, delts give a curved cannonball look which is probably desirable and looks better in a t-shirt whereas naturally set wide shoulders, while they would help with a v-shape, wouldn't have that cool curved look which could potentially appear more powerful.
stuward wrote:Shoulder pads.
It's a good idea I guess to help protect the joint from damage while tackling opponents.
Jebus wrote:Harder, semi-circled shaped shoulder pads?
You're missing the point, she couldn't tell they were pads until she touched them, it wasn't the shape that gave them off. Although your idea is good in that they wouldn't feel foamy but if they felt plasticy then that could still give away the illusion. We should develope shoulder pads for jackets made out of artificial beefsteak that is indiscernable from muss.

Of course, it all falls to naught if you ever get far enough for them to reach inside or remove the jacket, and wouldn't work when it's t-shirt tiiiiime.
pdellorto wrote:How about just dating smaller women?
Do petite chicks prefer narrow-shouldered guys or something? Or do normal shoulders just seem bigger to them? Actually, I could see multiple benefits to this in terms of the comparative anatomy perspective, good suggestion.
wow.

you suck

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Re: How to widen shoulders?

Post by DavidMcF » Sat Mar 19, 2011 3:25 pm

Hello, tyciol!

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Re: How to widen shoulders?

Post by Nkkip » Sun Mar 20, 2011 5:16 am

I'm beginning to wonder how narrow your shoulders actually are. It can't be that bad, right? Could you perhaps take a picture of yourself? Or if you're that little guy, I don't think wider shoulders are going to help you. :lol:

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Re: How to widen shoulders?

Post by Jungledoc » Sun Mar 20, 2011 10:58 pm

OK, tysiol, I'll tell you how to do it.

You'll need a sharp knife, a hack saw, some wire and some thread. First, cut through the skin over your clavicle. then cut through the clavicle with the hacksaw. Both the knife and the hacksaw should be clean. Wipe them really well on a clean part of your pants. Make the cut at a steep angle. You'll be able to pull the end section of the clavicle out, maybe as much as 1/4 inch, sliding the angled ends, then lashing them together with the wire. Oh, by the way, the wire should be clean, too. Then sew up the skin again. You should do this on both sides to keep things even. Wait a few weeks before trying this again on a different part of the clavicle. If you gain 1/4 inch on each side each time, after just 6 times your shoulders will be at least 3 inches wider, enough for most of the girls to notice. If they still don't like you, then you can do it a few times more. I'm sure they'll like you then.

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Re: How to widen shoulders?

Post by Ironman » Mon Mar 21, 2011 4:51 am

:laughing3: :laughing3: :laughing3: :laughing4:

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