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Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:22 pm
by jtw
So I'm getting married in about 9 months, and naturally enough my fiancee wants to lose weight before the wedding. I'm having the hardest time convincing her that lifting weights will help her trim down, since she only seems to like the treadmill. I'm making a little progress, since she has agreed to do 10 squats each trip to the gym, but obviously that won't do it. I don't want to keep nagging her to lift weights without something to back it up.

I need ideas to help me get her away from the cardio machines once in a while. Anyone have any short and sweet explanations for why it would be beneficial for her?

Cheers, thanks guys.

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 5:50 pm
by ephs
getting your girl to workout is always hard, cause women want the feeling that they are perfect to you and don't need to work on their body :grin: . i would just take a woman who your fiancee really likes (maybe popstar or sportstar) and then tell her this person also works out and lost her pounds to a nice body with lifting. maybe it could be very easy, cause many of the famous women have an own workout program to make money or are at least referred to a well-known personal trainer.

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 8:00 pm
by hoosegow
Image

'cuz it'll make her smokin' hot

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 9:38 pm
by KenDowns
I really want to help your fiance. So even though Hoosegow has already made the point, I thought well worth my time to devote several hours to googling pictures of women deadlifting.

You know, to help you out.

Strong is good. Stacked is good. Strong and stacked is too much.

uietly

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 12:56 am
by Oscar_Actuary
to do it over again, I'd marry a dancer or a gymnast
And I'd take dance myself as a kid. Quietly, but I'd do it.

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 4:33 am
by KPj
Oscar_Actuary wrote:to do it over again, I'd marry a dancer or a gymnast
And I'd take dance myself as a kid. Quietly, but I'd do it.
My g/f was a ballet dancer, now a ballet teacher.

The novelty wears off.

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 4:51 am
by KPj
jtw wrote:So I'm getting married in about 9 months, and naturally enough my fiancee wants to lose weight before the wedding. I'm having the hardest time convincing her that lifting weights will help her trim down, since she only seems to like the treadmill. I'm making a little progress, since she has agreed to do 10 squats each trip to the gym, but obviously that won't do it. I don't want to keep nagging her to lift weights without something to back it up.

I need ideas to help me get her away from the cardio machines once in a while. Anyone have any short and sweet explanations for why it would be beneficial for her?

Cheers, thanks guys.
Pictures are great but they can also be discouraging if the women is a little insecure (in my experience, the majority are).

Ask her about shape. Ask her what kind of shape she wants. Generally different women have a different idea of what they want. Then explain the difference between losing "weight" and losing "fat", especially noting that she could lose a bunch of weight and end up looking exactly the same, so despite the weight loss, her shape would be the same and that's not what she wants. Then explain that her muscle mass is her shape. Body fat, or lack of, allows your shape to become visible. Therefore, it's important to work on your shape by training your muscles, which also helps ensure you actually lose "fat" and not a combination of muscle and fat.

You can even use horrible words like, "toning" if you want. As long as she understands.

Other things I throw in - a stronger muscle burns more calories than a weaker muscle. I tell people muscles are like sponges that soak up calories.

I also throw in other benefits like strength training and bone/joint health (women are more at risk here), insulin sensitivity, self confidence, and just generally feeling awesome.

I constantly go on about performance - train with purpose, train to get better, don't just aimlessly get out of breath on a hamster wheel. Set some performance goals. For example - a full push up from the floor, or 10 if she can already do a few. A pull up, body weight squat, deadlift, etc - anything. Ever seen an overweight female doing pull ups? I've not.

Also, worth noting, you're at a real disadvantage trying to convince her because you are her fiancé, so try and not let it turn into an argument. This is amazingly common - couples training together in the gym then end up hating each other. I've seen some very entertaining arguments in my gym.

KPj

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 8:35 am
by Kenny Croxdale
jtw wrote:So I'm getting married in about 9 months, and naturally enough my fiancee wants to lose weight before the wedding. I'm having the hardest time convincing her that lifting weights will help her trim down, since she only seems to like the treadmill.

I'm making a little progress, since she has agreed to do 10 squats each trip to the gym, but obviously that won't do it. I don't want to keep nagging her to lift weights without something to back it up.

I need ideas to help me get her away from the cardio machines once in a while. Anyone have any short and sweet explanations for why it would be beneficial for her?

Cheers, thanks guys.
Estrogen Thing

Women gravitate to cardio. It's an estrogen thing.

Just be happy that she doing something.

Nagging NEVER Work

The reality of you trying to convince her that weight training is good for her amounts to pissing up a rope.

The only reason she doing the squats is to shut you up. Once you stop nagging her she's going to stop squatting.

Nagging her is also going to wear on your relationship with her. Nagging her is going to suck the life out of you. It is going to piss her off...if it hasn't already.

Benefiting Her

You are NOT going to get her to do weight/resistance training by using logic and showing her the benefits. That road is going to take you nowhere. It is a dead end.

Eating Liver

No matter what the benefits of eating liver are, I will NEVER do it.

The take home message is that while I/anyone can logically understand the benefits it's NOT going to happen or last if I (you/anyone) DON'T like it.

One of The Key's

People "make time" for things they like to do.

People "don't have time" for things they don't like to do.

That means you need to find something she likes rather than forcing her to do something she doesn't like.

Your Options

1) Be happy that she like the treadmill.

The treadmill is a weight bearing activity for the lower body. However, it does nothing for the upper body.

With that said, she's already doing weight training/resistance training for the lower body with the treadmill. So, does she doesn't necessarily need to perform squats? NO!

What she need is upper body resistance training.

2) Find resistance exercises she likes.

This takes us back to, People "make time" to do things they like.

If you find something she likes, you won't need to "Nag and Drag" her along. Again, "Nagging and Dragging" is going make you resent her and her resent you.

Upper Body Resistance Exercises

You need to listen to her and think about what she might enjoy. This is about her, not you.

Since she like cardio, you need to find some upper body resistance training that you can tie to it.

Suggestions:

1) Heavy Hand (hand weights).

She could use these when on the treadmill.

2) Cardio Class that uses weights.

Women love cardio. They love dancing. Most cardio class now have cardio-resistance training sessions.

Women also love the "female bonding" cardio classes offer.

That might appeal to her.

Passion

One of the keys to being successful in any area is to find something you/she has a passion for.

You need to find resistance activity that she loves or likes.

Kenny Croxdale

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 12:34 pm
by Oscar_Actuary
Kenny Croxdale wrote: One of The Key's

People "make time" for things they like to do.
People "don't have time" for things they don't like to do.
So true.
Whenever you are trying to design a strategy or pretend you can just follow someone elses' recipe, one thing is certain: If it's not in synch with the way you are wired, it will mos surely fail in the long run. Be honest with yourself. Lie, I dont' schedule morning workouts unles it's summertime. I like to stay up till 2:00am+ every night.
As a bloke who spent too many years down in the dumps, looking back at the self help books... If I wanted to feel better, I would. I choose to mope and not change my life. Logically, I knew it.

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 1:52 pm
by stuward
jtw wrote:So I'm getting married in about 9 months, and naturally enough my fiancee wants to lose weight before the wedding. I'm having the hardest time convincing her that lifting weights will help her trim down, since she only seems to like the treadmill. I'm making a little progress, since she has agreed to do 10 squats each trip to the gym, but obviously that won't do it. I don't want to keep nagging her to lift weights without something to back it up.

I need ideas to help me get her away from the cardio machines once in a while. Anyone have any short and sweet explanations for why it would be beneficial for her?

Cheers, thanks guys.
There is no reason to exercise at all is your only goal is to lose weight. Weight loss is achieved by eating less. Some people think that burning extra calories will give them an extra weight loss boost and as long as it keeps their mind off eating, it works. For some people it just makes them eat more. It's mostly psychological in my mind.

The benefits of strength training are not weight loss. There is a minor metabolic boost, and this is enough to help prevent rebound weight gain. The real benefits are body re-composition, health, mobility and functionality. In my mind those benefits outweigh weight loss anyway.

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 10:11 am
by robertscott
please god tell me that you guys weren't serious about showing her those pictures...

My favourite thing about this thread has been the revelation that Oscar secretly wants to be a dancer.

Anyhow, I don't remember exactly how I convinced the mrs to lift weights, btu I think it was fairly similar to what KPj suggested. Megan was very skinny when she started (BMI of 17) and really didn't like how skinny her ass was and how much her shoulder blades stuck out. She mentioned this to me and I told her how weight training could fix both of those things.

So yeah, go for the "toning" angle. I bet if you asked she'll say she wants a more toned ass and thighs, so tell her that although you already think she's perfect and beautiful (muy importante), if she really wants to change the shape of those bodyparts then weight training is the easiest way.

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 11:10 am
by KenDowns
robertscott wrote:please god tell me that you guys weren't serious about showing her those pictures...
I assumed if he could get a woman to agree to marry him he knew enough not to show her pictures of other women :smile:

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 2:16 pm
by Oscar_Actuary
jtw wrote: So I'm getting married in about 9 months, and naturally enough my fiancee wants to lose weight before the wedding
Come back 2 years after wedding.
You'll wish she still cared.

I kid... sorta.

Good thing is, if you marry for the right reasons, you'll love her more then either way.

At some point though, if it gets out of hand, you'll start to question how much she cares about you, if she lets herself go. On the other hand, it frees you up to go to Taco Bell 4 times a week and stay at a job you cant stand that causes you undo stress because you've lived a protected life and never faced challenges without your mommy around. But soon you'll be inspired by Peyton Manning leading the Colts to SuperBowl victory and move to Alabama, only to bring your good luck with you as Nick Saban capture 2 National Titles.. Roll TIDE.

ymmv.

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 3:10 pm
by robertscott
just asked Megan how I convinced her. She said that I said "Try it and if you don't like it then stop."

Hope that helps...

Re: Convincing my fiancee to lift weights

Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 3:22 pm
by Wouter