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Socially inept people

Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:39 pm
by hoosegow
Admittedly I am not the most socially graceful person in the world. I am very uncomfortable in dinner party type situations. I tend to speak my mind and damn the consequences and I am paranoid people are talking about me. For the most part, I fit into society.

My question is are some people are completely clueless as to the norms on how to act in societ. I am not talking about wall flowers. The people I am talking about are the creepy people.

For example, there have been two complete tools since I have joined my current gym. There was this one guy, that can only be described as a complete weirdo. He had real thick glasses, wore strange clothes, had this stupid look always on his face and seemed to have no social skills. He would immediately go lift next to the hottest girls and stare at them.

Another kid has recently showed up. I actually thought he was handicapped. I eventually asked someone if he was and he said, no the guy was just an idiot. He goes and talks to many of the serious lifters and doesn't take the hint to leave them alone when they are working. I just ignore him and turn and walk away when he comes my way. For example, a guy will try to finish up the conversation by putting in his ear buds and going to lift and the kid would continue to talk. It is not that we mind talking to people, just not when we are lifting and working. Most of us will help anyone just about any time. He just has no clue. He also tends to do many annoying things.

Are some people just genetically programmed to be socially inept or is it all social? You see even some people with really cool parents and they are just absolute tools.

Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 11:26 pm
by Jungledoc
There are a lot of reasons for people behaving oddly. Some are indeed "handicapped" to some extent. Many have a combination of problems. Imagine a person who is mildly retarded, but who has been raised by concerned, involved parents, and has had good special education that included social skills training. Imagine that same person, born with the same degree of "handicap" raised by dysfunctional parents, perhaps an unstable home, inconsistent school experience, etc. He (or she) will function much more poorly in social situations. There are specific mental illnesses that include various types of social imparement. People with autism (even "mild" or "high functioning" autism) have a difficult time understanding other people's points of view. They really don't get that you may be annoyed with them or why.

Not all retarded or mentally ill people "look" the part. My daughter has autism and is moderately retarded, but "looks normal". People try to engage her in conversation, and wonder why she is not very responsive. One person even started trying to discuss college majors with her, going so far as to suggest electrical engineering!

My rule is usually to try to be as patient with people as I can, if they are only being an annoyance, and not doing any real harm. Talk to them as best you can. Sometimes having just one person befriend them is enough, and that one person can help to redirect them.

By the way, my daughter now works as a sample passer-outer at Sm's Club. Next time you are in, say "hi" and smile at the person who wants to give you an hors douvre, or a little dab of cheese cake.

Posted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 4:50 am
by Ironman
I had to learn social skills. They made absolutely no sense to me at all. I spent years learning them analytically. I was probably 30 or close to it before I had a normal typical level of social skill.

For me instead of having an instinct for it like most people. I have just memorized what I do or say in whatever situation.

Re: Socially inept people

Posted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 5:05 am
by KPj
hoosegow wrote: He goes and talks to many of the serious lifters and doesn't take the hint to leave them alone when they are working. I just ignore him and turn and walk away when he comes my way. For example, a guy will try to finish up the conversation by putting in his ear buds and going to lift and the kid would continue to talk. It is not that we mind talking to people, just not when we are lifting and working. Most of us will help anyone just about any time. He just has no clue. He also tends to do many annoying things.
There's a new guy in my gym like that. He's a new member of staff. He's actually a very nice guy, outside of the gym, his social skills are probably quite good. Inside the gym, he's a real pain in the a$$. I think he just needs to learn some gym etiquette i.e.

"When another member is standing up whilst holding onto a bar loaded with weight, it's possibly not the best time to ask what muscles that exercise targets. The purple face and veins popping out of the forehead is a good indication that it's not the best time to interrupt said lifter."

I have a lot of time for people who ask questions in the gym, but some(a lot) only ask you questions to make conversation, I think.

My training partners social skills are great. In restaurant, Waiter, "do you all want to order drinks?". Everyone will answer something like, "yes, please, i'll have a coke, thanks". Then it'll get to my training partner, who has a natural expression on his face that suggests he hates everything with a heart beat, "TAP WATER!". In a thick Scottish accent, that sounds like, "TAAP WATT'RR!". Indian, chinese, Italian restaurants, any waiter that clearly you need to tone down the accent for. doesn't matter - "TAP WATER". Note the emphasis on "TAP". You can drink tap water here, and it's very nice. But if you just ask for "water", they'll give you bottled, and charge you for it. Tap water is free.

In the gym he's just as good. The other day, after completing our Dynamic Warm Up, this female trainer came up and asked, very politely, "I noticed what you guys were doing there, are you training for something?". Out of amusement, I left it for the training partner to answer, he just gave her this look that suggested, "if you even LOOK at me again, i'll rip your eyes out!". She then clearly felt a little strange, and said, "you know, like, tae kwon do or something?". I could barely hold in my laugh, still, the training partner was continuing to fill up with hate. I felt sorry for her and decided to answer, as I always do anyway, "No, it's just how we warm up. All we do is warm up, to lift heavy things, nothing exciting". She just said something like, "oh, great, well, keep it up, more people should be doing that" and walked away.

You kind of need to know the guy to appreciate how funny these situations are. He's a very nice guy, and laid back, but when he's not on the level to socialise, and it gets forced upon him, it's pretty comical.


Posted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 11:51 am
by hoosegow
Autism actually makes perfect sense for the first guy. He was just not all there and I don't mean that n a bad sense. You could tell he just couldn't relate to people. If he comes back I might see if he wants to lift with me.

This new guy is different, though. He is real out going and will talk to anyone and by all accounts doesn't have any mental issues. He just doesn't have a clue. We all know people like that.

And ironman, I might be one of the few people that can appreciate your analytical ways. I would much rather have someone tell me that what I'm doing is stupid rather than them worrying about my feelngs.

Posted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 1:24 pm
by ironmaiden708
My boss is one of those people. She's probably the worst salesman on the planet (GNC). Besides being manipulative scumbag ßÌΓ¢Η she is inept when it comes to reading people. I've been their 3 months and I already sell better than her and shes been w/ the company for 5 years.

Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 1:09 am
by Rucifer
I def agree with this topic going on. There's one guy in particular that's bad at my gym. He started talking to me in the middle of lifting...boy I was annoyed. I try to go in, do my thing, and get out. I'm too much of a wimp to go over and flirt with the women. But I might take a glance but try my hardest not too stare. LOL...sometimes its hard...but a lot of guys make no effort. Gotta make the women feel uncomfortable.

Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 10:17 pm
by bob
Let me offer another theory to social ineptness or lack of social skills. I have ADHD and have always struggled with social skills. Many times i will miss a social clue or will have a hard time understanding or following a conversation.Becuase of that i am shy to engage in conversation which doesn't help my social skills! So it's a catch-22. Ironically i get straight A's in college!

Posted: Mon Dec 22, 2008 11:36 pm
by Jungledoc
There's a discussion of ADHD in another thread, where I mention that there are very smart people who are ADHD. You sound like you are just a bit shy, not bunglingly inept like some of the people mentioned here. Some ADHD people have trouble socially because of the impulsiveness that is pretty typical. They say or do things before thinking them through and then usually regret it. It's not that they don't know better, they just don't think before they act. That was me all through elementary school and well into high school. Still a problem sometimes.

Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 10:15 am
by bob
Yes, impulsiveness is a classic symptom of ADD.That's me.I tried medication, but the benefits were negligible, probably because i was diagnosed late in life and had already picked up some bad habits. Do you have ADD Jungledoc?

Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:24 am
by Ironman
Habits have nothing to do with it. You were probably given medication that did not work for you and/or too low of a dose. You have to experiment with it to get it right. There's no drug that is good for everyone, and dose needed varies greatly by person. Usually, you see how you feel and tell your doctor you need more, or that the sides are cropping up and you want to go down. You just have to balance it. It can take a couple years to nail down the perfect drug and dose for you.

Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 10:12 am
by bob
I wasn't diagnosed until i was 45. I tried many different meds at different doses. None of them worked well enough, so i deal with it w/o meds. I do allright. I also feel that meds if taken long term may have a detrimental effect on the body.

Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 6:46 pm
by Ironman
Only certain ones. There is that non-stimulant ADD drug. I forget the name. It has some nasty side effects. I wasn't willing to try it. All the stimulant ones are pretty safe though. Methylphenidate in particular has been used for many years for ADD, narcolepsy and other issues. But if you're happy with what you have than I guess it doesn't matter.

Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 8:17 pm
by bob
I'm more concerned about my OCD. The most annoying thing is hearing the same song playing in my head hundreds of times a day. It's usually a song i like so it makes it easier to tolerate!

Posted: Thu Dec 25, 2008 4:58 am
by Ironman
Yea, that one is a bitch too. I ordered memantine from India. It did help but the effect was not enough to justify the price. It's an Alzheimer's drug, but it's effect on the glutamate receptors make it a good off label OCD medication. It is also being tested for ADD, but I didn't notice any effect on that.

From what I have heard there are other drugs in the works that target various receptors in the glutamatergic system, which should be very good for OCD. It's all a couple years off though. As soon as it's out I'm getting some. I will have an appointment scheduled with my psychiatrist day after release and show up with documentation in hand. I'll kidnap a drug rep if I have to. Because of any problem I have, OCD is by far the biggest pain in the ass.

Some psychiatrists like to give SSRI's for that. I have a BIG issue with SSRI's. First, while my sex drive is still normal, nothing works on that so to speak. Not to mention, some people never get it back. I think it is a dangerous type of drug that can possibly do serious permanent damage to the 5HT receptors, especially desensitizing of the 5HT-1a.

Then in combination with that, an atypical anti-psychotic like risperidone. *FV(K* that! First antagonizing dopamine receptors would be down right unpleasant for at least a couple reasons. Then you not only could end up with tardive dyskinesia. eventually you WILL get it. That is a very nasty movement disorder. Plus, how do they know it won't lead to Parkinson's when the person is elderly? They already know it screws up the dopamine receptors enough to cause the tardive. Then the prolactin increase, will make the sexual problems even worse and you could end up lactating. Plus it causes a bunch of other very nasty problems too.

So I'm just waiting for something safe and effective. Something that actually targets the actual cause of the problem. And something that does so without mutilating your brain in the process.

The problem is all this receptor stuff is new. This is all stuff that came about from the human genome project.